


Sacred Secrets

by Readerinthedark



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke and Costia are only mentioned, F/F, F/M, Lexa is still gay, no SJWs allowed, no lexbian erasure, reposted for reasons, this is straight porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 17:46:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12151671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readerinthedark/pseuds/Readerinthedark
Summary: Dear friends,So this is what I believe happened between season two and season three.Do it like in the good old times, don't like-don't read.I'm not trying to harm anybody. Ao3 was never intended to be a "safe space" but a place where everybody can enjoy and explore their creativity. Even if that means you might not like it.Btw yes, I do believe the world needs more of this pairing. My right to free speech, don't even try to censore or thoughtpolice me.Be cool, be yourself and just ship what you wanna ship.I'm just... I was gone for an hour and this is what I come back to? Alright clexa tag deleted. You won. Though if you might have bothered reading... You could have seen the tag may have been there for a reason. No, not just for the drama.





	Sacred Secrets

Midnight was upon her, as it always seemed to be, once her Commander's work was put to rest after an uneventful day. She remained lost in her memories once sunset had fallen and only the starlit sky could awaken her soul from it's subconscious slumber. Lexa pulled on her red sash and eyed herself in her modest-sized mirror that humbly dressed the simple walls of her room. She looked as marvellous and elegant as ever and her eyes bore the painted serousness that covered her true emotions. Yet beneath those same forest-green eyes, she harbored the same hidden sorrow that had plagued her since she was a little Natblida. 

 

_It had been so many years since she lost the love of her life and each night was merely a reminder of that cruel, rain-splattered day. She no longer had her by her side at night. Those gentle arms would no longer hold her - nor would her gentle lips kiss her. Her beautiful eyes would never reflect onto her own again, yet what pained her the most was that she could never tell her one more time how special she was to her - how much she truly loved her._

 

Lexa shivered, her breath was quaking and trembling. Her heart was beating high inside her chest and it was broken - she felt the stinging pain consuming her very being. Cuts and stings that envelopped her with darkness, shards of her heart that craved the pain of her soul into her flesh. She wasn't all dressed up, nor did she wear any makeup or warpaint, but it's not like she cared or minded. She opened her harness and slipped out of her cloak until just she herself was left bare before her mirror. She looked up to the roof in a desperate attempt to keep her eyes dry and failed, a tear escaped her eye before she scratched herself back together and focused on her heartbeat, her breath and this very moment. She feels the cold air on her skin. Goosepumps began to rise as she opens her eyes again, aiming for her black nightgown.  It was the last gift she gave her before her death, other than her love of course. It remained as soft and perfect as the day she had given it to her on ascension day. Usually she would never wear her last memento when spending the night with someone else, but this night it somehow felt appropriate.

 

It was the anniversary of the last time they had made love - and the night Lexa had to make a decision. For her clan, for her people and for the coalition. Even i this meant to betray the only other person she cared about - the only one who could be just as special to her as she was.

 

 _It was the night she lost her innocence. The youngest of the Natblida had sneaked out into the forest, purposefull knowing the woman she fell in love with would be there waiting for her in the moonlight. It was the first night she would know happiness and contentment, know what it feels like to be loved. A blissful night of youthful passion on a bed of young grass was without a doubt the sweetest memory of her life. Many nights like this were to come - until the day she left the mortal world. Her beloved Costia_.

 

How much would she offer, if Lexa had a choice of turning back time? Just a few hours. She regretted her decision of the betrayal against the Sky people. What would it feel like to spend the night with their young leader - Clarke. Never would the Commander have thought that another woman would make her broken heart feel whole again. Not in this world, which is probably the right way to express it, after all the girl had fallen from the sky. She crushed into the atmosphere, into Lexa's life like an asteroid - and just as fast, faded into star dust. 

 

_"It's my fault. I hurt her. I abandoned her."_

 

Lexa whispered to herself as she walked down the hallways of the Tower of Polis - right towards the chamber of the man she now called hers.  Blinking her eyes, Lexa's mind returned to her again. The sheer smothness of black silk that hung tightly from her curves, the soft carpet under her feet - It was an odd feeling to share the bed with a man for the first time. Yet it was a man she knew, a man she had something like a platonic connection of friendship with. 

 

_After Costia's death, Lexa felt as if a part of hers had died as well. Her body felt rough and loose, her limbs weak and she never recovered her appetite again, causing her body to go slim and her skin to go pale. Sickness plauged her for a while too. For a while she truly wanted to die. It was only thanks to a few words from Roan that she even found the will to leave her bed._

 

_"Costia shouldn't have to see you like that. She wouldn't want you to spend the rest of our days as a member of the living dead. Don't make the very reason she gave her life, protecting you, to be in vain." After he had spoken those words, Lexa's black blood boiled with anger and rage._

 

_"It was your mother wh killed her! Who are you to decide, to even know what Costia would have wanted?" Lexa cringes in despair, curling herself on top of her bed._

 

_"You don't have to know someone personally to realize that this is not what they would desire their loved ones to continue living."_

 

_Azgeda scum - what would he know? Lexa thought, but deep inside, she knew how right he was._

 

_"Live is about surviving - and nothing but surviving. Emotions are irrelevant."_

 

_"Heda." He softly spoke when reaching out for her hand. "You are worthy. You are powerful. It's tragic that you choose this path for yourself."_

 

_She pulled her hand away, withdrawing from him, avoiding him. She turns around._

 

_"Leave. Get out."_

 

Those words still echo in her head until this day. 

 

She gave a low sigh to herself as she stood in front of Roan's door. This reminder of her youth was like a reunion with a long lost brother. Sweet but filled with the gaps of time that separated them. 

 

Knocking lightly on the door twice, she tried to push away the ringing of his words inside her ears. 

 

The door slowly opened, revealing the eldest son to Queen Nia of Azgeda. Wearing only his pants and a towel around his neck, he appeared to have just taken a bath. Much to Lexa's surprise, his hair had been adequately groomed and tied up in a flat pony tail.  Upon seeing her, his eyes brightened with intrigue, however he never intended anything other than showing her the upmost respect as he isn't sure what is about to happen right now, since he knew the Commander's preference of women when it comes to bedtime business.  Giving her a gentle smile, Roan slid out of the way, allowing her to enter his quaint and rather clean room.

 

She had been in his room only twice before, and ever since his banishment it had only changed slightly. His twin-sized bed remained pushed to the corner of the room to the right, a dusted dresser and humble mirror directly across from it, and a clutter-less closet that contained only his jacket, a few outfits, a sloppily folded change of bedsheets and his boots. The only difference from when he freshly moved into the tower is that now Roan left his bow and arrow, his swords and daggers resting lazily atop the dresser along with a few books he recently obtained. 

 

He gave the Commander an elegant flutter as she gracefully walked into his room. He smiled to himself, thinking that Lexa was simply beautiful. It's the first time he had seen her like this, her long and wavy hair unbraided and hanging losely to her right. She was slender but still very well trained and when her strong yet delicate bare feet touch the ground, she was so graceful, so quiet - like a butterfly yet at the same time she was this fearsome, ruthless and wild beast. 

 

_"How are you feeling tonight?"_

 

The prince asked in his smoothly, husky voice, eyeing her carefully eyeing her carefully as if he subconsciously noticed her change in emotional demeanor tonight.  Slowly turning her head to face him, she gave an uncharacteristic smile and cooed

 

_"I'm alright Roan, don't worry about me."_

 

Roan merely stared at her. He knew that smile quite well, that smile that meant that she would soon shed her strict and tough skin and become another person. Although her eyes glistened in a way they never had before, as if the immense sadness within her had made an escape and was now trying to find a way out of it's prison - a prison she would refer to as her heart. 

 

_"If you say so."_

 

He replied as she seemed to float towards the center of the room, like a fairy diguised as a human. It was one of Lexa's mysterious secrets, one that few people had the pleasure of knowing. Roan gazed upon her as she slowly patted down her black nightgown, trying to fix her imaginary flaws. He remembered the first time he encountered the youngest of the Natblida, a young girl who he didn't know anything about, not who she was or who she came from, let alone her past. A lost and broken child who had cried far too many tears in her short life and was now empty, dry and shaped to become a hard, emotionless and cruel warrior, capable of killing her fellow beloved sisters and brothers of the Nightblood. A lonely soul, a whithering rose with no more tears left to cry in this wasteland night of rain and hopelessness.

 

_She was a child, merely thirteen years of age. She had suffered a very deep cut by a sword just below her breast, inbetween her liver and spleen when evacuating a Trikru village near the border of Azgeda. Luckily, despite it being a deep wound, it had avoided her internal organs and with the help of a torn piece of clothing she had managed to stop the bleeding. It was late at night by the time she had managed to return to the temporary hideout and began to treat her wounds. Maybe it was fate or just coincidence, but that was when a warrior of the enemy - Azgeda appeared._

 

_At first Lexa was too occupied with the sting of the alcohole that burned her open flesh to notice his appearance but he soon made her realize he was there.  She looked at him, terrified and slowly as she cringed in pain but let no sound escape her lips.  "You're a rather tough Natblida, aren't you? Even if nobody is around." He remarked, intending to sound bored but was actually caring for the young girl.  Instinctively Lexa grabbed the dagger on her belt, ready to jump at his throat and plunge it right inside his heart despite her severe injury._

 

_"Please put it back. I have no intention to harm you."_

 

_He whispered as he walked towards her and prepared the bandages he brought with himself._

 

_As he came closer into the light of the candle Lexa lit before, she noticed the scarification on the young Azgeda's face._

 

_"You are of royal blood. You are the prince of the Ice Nation."_

 

_Lexa could only see this much about him, knowing that he was the son of the evil queen and the most trusted, loyal member within the clan of Azgeda. If he was sent to kill her then he would do so without objection or question. She held her caution, not sure if she should trust him. He had never proved to be a threat to her and she couldn't imagine why Nia would want someone as valuable as her dead. After all she had been obsessed with the black blood for a long time and intended to claim her very own Natblida one day.  Her thoughts were quickly shoved aside when she saw an odd look in the prince's eyes._

 

_"Hey, Natblida. Let me fix that for you."_

 

_His voice was calm and peaceful. Lexa stepped closer towards him._

 

_"Lie down"_

 

_His demand was simple and she followed it, calming herself by the thought that if he really wanted to harm her, she would already be dead by now._

 

_Roan took a clean wet cloth, soaked by the rain over the wound on her petite chest. She reminded him of an angel bathed in sorrow with clipped wings, who bore the chains of loss and sadness._

 

_"Relax your muscles. You are too tense and don't have to be ashamed. I'm not that kind of man."_

 

_He whispered lowly as his arms weaved the gauze strip tightly around her ribcage._

 

_"Why are you doing this?"_

 

_She snarled at him as the gauze brushed roughly against her torn flesh.  He didn't answer, instead he carefully looked at her snarling teeth, her expression like a cornered, wounded animal desperately trying to defend itself and ready to attack any moment. He tightened and tucked the last gauze strip under the others. "There." He sighed before getting up and turning away from her._

 

_"Hard to believe that the most promising Natblida is really nothing but a feral baby raccoon."_

 

_Roan mocked, sitting down next to her eventually._

 

_"Though", he paused for a moment - "I suppose it means you just might live a little longer than most."_

 

_"What are you talking about?"_

 

_The young Natblida questoned darkly as she adjusted herself so she was sitting at eye level with the Azgeda prince who was almost twice her size._

 

_"There is something about you... It's strange, really, but you are so young and so wild at the same time."_

 

_"I never guessed you to be as immature as you talk." Lexa remarked, still unsure of what this man was after. Roan gave a low laugh._

 

_"You don't have to be so defensive right now. We are the only people here. All the others are either dead or retreated._

 

_Lexa maintained her untrusting composure and got on her feet. "Look if you just want to kill me go ahead with it."_

 

_"I wouldn't have patched you up if I wanted to kill you." Roan answered._

 

_"Then do you want to bring me to your mother's castle? Cage me? Imprison me? Lock me up for the rest of my life? I don't get it! We are supposed to be enemies!"_

 

_The terrified girl looked at the tall warrior prince.  Roan got onto his feet as well. He approaches the girl, takes off his coat in a swift motion, wrapping it around her tiny frame before pulling her close into a tight embrace._

 

_"Wear my coat and go home. This way none of my people will attack you." He gently whispered into her ear.  "You will be cold..." Lexa remarked, oddly worried about her mortal enemy.  "Don't waste a thought about me. Go home and be safe. If a Natblida is destined to die young, then do me this favor and live a little longer."_

 

_She didn't even tell him her name - nor did she think they would ever meet again or that she could survive this night. It's true what he said, she was a rather tough one, since a weak person could not have survived this night alone in the forest, injured and with wild, predatory animals around that would notice the smell of her bleeding wound and for whom this precious Nightblood girl would be nothing more than prey.  It was one day to the Trikru border, where she disposed of his coat, a memory she would have loved to hold dear, a reminder of a strange friend who saved her life. She could not, as it would have made her suspicious and have her people question her, maybe interrogate or even exile or kill her, if there were a possibility a Natblida could have sided with the enemy._

 

It's been many winters since then, and the thought of this man now being next to her, side by side was still something foreign to her. Something unreal. Lexa had climbed into his bed a few moments ago, he suddenly appeared at ehr side, delicately placing his hand on her hip and nuzzling hs head against her hair, inhaling the scent of Lexa for the very first time in his life. He closes his eyes, forgetting the air and time surrounding him - for this moment only the two of them existed on this earth.

 

She lets out a slow sigh, content with Roan's way of affection. Who could have thought that the throne hire of Azgeda could be such a compassionate and attentitive lover? Certainly not her.  With the gentle caress of his hand against her cheek, Roan seemed to speak to her on another level. Not one of friends or lovers, but perhaps that of two souls resting in a mutual existance of remorse. 

 

Lexa was a woman of few expressions, cold and lifeless. At least this is only true when she bears responsibility for the rest of the world. Yet on this occasion, she seemed to wear a different, kinder skin, one of caring, tenderness and affection only her lovers would know of.  Roan knew this and had no idea if he should be the one receiving it, if he truly deserved to see this side of the Commander.

 

Lexa told him about the betrayal at the mountain, also how much she felt for this young Skaikru leader.  It may have been thanks to her emotional scars that Lexa's heart was so broken and sorrowful, at least this is what Roan believed. He knew of her past with Costia and all it's bitter chapters, but he knew that Lexa's feelings for this girl would not make it possible to move on, to give her heart the chance to heal - if that were even possible any longer.

 

Though he knew that if she is too broken to help herself, he would have to help her - but right now everything he can do is being there for her. He feels her smooth skin on his own, holding her cheek in his hand and giving her this mysterious, affectionate smile, as if asking if she really were okay. In response she merely grabbed his other hand, entwined her fingers with his tightly, leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, just slightly away from his lips.  She answered his silent question and he just replied in the same way -  It was truly bittersweet. Having Roan kiss her so closely to the way Costia once did. So softly like she were a butterfly with delicate wings, yet passionately like a hungry animal.

 

This kiss was only containing one more thing - fear. The fear to know that someday, and it will be in the very near future, he will lose her from this life. There will be another lover, maybe even one that Lexa would call her houmon. He knew this would not be him and she would never really be his. Lexa felt his fear, his sorrow and she placed either of her hands on his cheeks. Her forest-green eyes searching for his. 

 

_"Hey... I'm here. I won't leave."_

 

She whispered gently, her thumbs attentatively caressing his cheekbones.

 

_"You know me, Roan. I'm not one for casual encounters."_

 

Those words from her was not what he expected, but surely he knew that Lexa wasn't someone who had the reputation of enjoying casual sex, let alone have a wide variety of lovers. It was obvious she wanted it this way, since she receives plenty of offers on a daily basis. Heda is a stunning and magnificent beauty after all.  Still Roan had no idea what to make out of her words, though she wouldn't even give him the time to consider as she leans forward and kisses him once more. It was a long and passionate kiss on the mouth, strong, intense and desperate. 

 

_"Allow me to kneel for you, Heda."_

 

Roan broke the kiss to look back at her, his cheeks blushing slightly with intent. 

 

Lexa looked back at him in surprise before smiling back, understanding what he just subtly asked her. 

 

 _"If you desire."_ She replied, her cheeks now getting slightly flushed as well. _"Though I have one request."_

 

She added and Roan was alert, expecting something enormously serious.

 

_"Please refer to me by my name rather than my title when requesting something intimate as this."_

 

Her statement made both of them chuckle and forget their sorrowful bitterness for a moment.

 

_"Your wish is my command... Lexa."_

 

He joked when sliding down her entire lengh, making himself comfortable on top of her. This was the first time ha had seen her entirely vulnerable and defenseless, exposed - naked. His fingertips reach out to touch her lower abdomen, right between her belly button and her pubic bone. He parts her legs slightly, trying to make himself comfortable between her thighs. 

 

He pauses for a moment, taking a careful look at what he saw. 

 

_"You are staring."_

 

Lexa noticed, feeling a little embarrassed about the fact. 

 

_"Forgive me. It's just..."_

 

Roan tried to find words to express his feelings which was almost impossible in this situation, as the blood in his head went into a very different part of his body a while ago.

 

_"It's rare to find this much beauty on earth these days... I just wanted to appreciate it for a little while."_

 

And before Lexa could say a word or react to his praising, Roan pressed his mouth on Lexa's soft and moist lips. He closes his eyes, letting his tongue sink in between the tender folds, tasting the spring of eternal bliss. The scent of Lexa's arousal drives him wild, like a hungry wolf who just smelled the sweet scent of a young deer's bleeding wound. His fingertips run over the insides of her thighs arousing her even more than she already is. Lexa breathes loudly, however the sweet and sensual sounds escaping her lips could not yet be classified as moaning. She buried her head deeply into her pillow, her eyes closed and her heart beating faster and faster. Lexa's hands clench around the betsheets, her legs get restless and her toes curl involuntarily. She wrapped her legs around Roan's head, pulling him closer and eventually up into her arms. 

 

Lexa's eyes were wide open and she trembled with the sensation. Her breath was heavy as she looked into her lover's eyes. Roan stared at her with deepest devotion and longing, hunger and passion. He rolls one of his strong arms under Lexa's head, cradling her as if she were the most valuable treasure on this earth. His other hand found it's way between the Commander's legs. His rough yet gentle fingers touch her soft and blossoming petals carefully. They were swollen and spread, exposing her tiny pearl and the entrance to her sweet spring of love and lust.

 

Roan enters her with one finger, feeling the tightness of her inner walls and the involuntary tensing of her strong muscles. Lexa trembles. Her hand reached out to firmly grip his shoulder - and if her fingernails weren't trimmed as precisely as they were, he would have received scratch marks from her clawing. Lexa's breath is loud and her vocal cords begin to vibrate with the sensation as well. She leans back, enjoying the moment and occasionally moaning his name.  Her walls expand and relax with each gentle stroke of Roan's finger. Her fluids run out of her entrance, wetting the bedsheets, soaking her lover's hand and the insides of her thighs. She is so soft, he moves in and out of her so easily.  Once again he withdraws and this time - enters her with two of his fingers without warning. His fingers are thick and long so it was a surprising feeling. She was almost full which felt incredibly pleasant yet still a little foreign. Lexa began circling her hips instinctively while Roan rested his head on her chest. It was calming and exciting at the same time to hear Lexa's heartbeat while he pleasured her and for this moment it was beating just for him alone. She was close before arching her back and then suddenly got a firm hold on his hand. She spoke no word but lifted herself a little off the bed.  Roan was surprised about her interrupting, after all she seemed to have enjoyed their strong and intense foreplay quite a little.  

 

 _"Oh... It's... it's alright Lexa... We can finish here."_ Roan muttered insecurely. 

 

Lexa's lips slightly parted, her breath shaking as she quietly and huskily whispered; 

 

 _"Please."_ Her expression filled with longing despair. 

 

She rolled over and wrapped one of her legs around his hip. She feels his already hardened and stiff manhood pressing against her inner thighs. Roan claimed his hand and somehow clumsily squished it in between them.

 

 _"Sorry... I just need to... It won't listen to my command."_ He awkwardly tried to explain himself. 

 

 _"That's... alright with me."_ Lexa didn't really know how to reply.

 

 _"Wait, let me help a little as well."_ She remarked, eaching down on herself to spread her engorged skin folds a little wider for her lover. 

 

Roan carefully presses into Lexa, causing her to moan and tense with the overwhelming stretch. She was so tight, despite being quite worked up, soft and swollen already. Roan's legs began to tremble as he feels Lexa's warmth and the gentle pressure of her inner walls around his length. He shifts his hips forward a little, asking her without words to open herself a little wider for him. Lexa began to move, encouraging Roan to reciprocate her gentle thrusts and guiding him all the way into her this way. It was a sweet and sensual feeling of very light and joyful pleasure.

 

They lay on their sides, facing one another and Roan gently rocking into her for a while. As their hearts began to beat faster, their breaths become more ragged and their hips trembling more and more, Lexa leans forward into a tender kiss, telling him it was alright to speed up his pace. He began to move a little firmer, but Lexa wanted more and she tried to shape words within her shaken mind and trembling throat. 

 

 _"Yes... Roan... more."_ She muttered between thrusts and Roan moved a little faster.

 

 _"M...more..."_ she whispered again after a little while. The feeling grew so much more intense with the increasing strength of his movements and Roan himself began to catch his breath, making quiet moaning sounds that became louder and louder within just a few thrusts.

 

 _"YES... YES MORE!!! ROAN!"_ Lexa closed her eyes and clawed onto his shoulder with involuntary, rhythmic movements of her hand. She tries to heep her moans as low as possible, her voice deep and calm.

 

 _"OOOH, I'M CLOSE... ROAN... I'M CLOSE... DON'T YOU STOP!"_ Lexa cried out to him. He suddenly pushes her onto the bed, pinning her hands into the mattress and kisses her fiercely on the mouth.

 

Lexa hungrily replied the kiss and closely wraps her legs around his waist. She desperately thrusts her hips into him, wordlessly begging Roan to continue fucking her. 

 

 _"I'm going to come inside you."_ He whispered into her ear misceviously, eager to do what he just mentioned. 

 

He raises and kneels between Lexa's spread legs. He took a firm hold of her hips and began to fiercely thrust into her. Lexa enjoyed how amazingly full she was, how Roan opened her all the way up to her womb. He stretches her inner walls completely, thrusts through her tight muscles and eagerly perks at the entrance of her womb. It didn't take much for her to tip over the edge and shatter around his length with a glorious battle cry. Just about the same time he released his seeds into her as well. The shock ran through his body like it never did before - making love to a woman you love was something truly special and sacred after all. Roan collapses on top of her, his manhood still burried within Lexa. He balcked out for a few moments, but instinctively he still clings onto her, cupping her face with his trembling hands and whispering her name into her ear - full of love and adoration for the woman beneath him. He even shed a tear when breathing in the sweet scent of her skin one more time. 

 

_"May we meet again, Clarke of the Sky People."_

 

_The last words she said when walking away from the mountain, walking away from this woman who fell from the sky and brought out those wicked and intriguing emotions Lexa never imagined to ever feel again. Could her already broken heart break even more than it already is? Never would Lexa have imagined this to be the case, but she had no other choice but to answer this question with an honest "Yes." She was longing to touch and smell this young woman's skin but knew there is no chance, not in this world, not in this life. Not in her position - for being Commander means to be alone._

 

It's not that she wouldn't care about Roan, not at all. In fact he was very special to her as well, just on another level than Costia, or maybe even Clarke. Lying next to him, breathing his scent, feeling his touch - it was heaven to her and she never wanted to let go. 

 

Roan rolled over beside her, wrapping an arm under her neck. She laid her head against him, a tear escaping her eye. She longed for another woman by her side but could only feel her already broken heart quiver as she knew that time could never turn back it's hands. 

 

Roan said nothing as he saw her cry. He only closed his eyes and stroked her cheek with his hands, for he too knew that the sun had already set for both of them and all they had left were these nights of emotional repair and remorse. 

 

He woke up late, in the middle of the night with Lexa sleeping peacefully next to him. 

 

 _"You deserve better than this."_ He whispered into the darkness. He quietly gets up and dresses, making sure not to wake her up when sneaking out. 

 

Roan searches in the pocket of his coat for some matches and to his surprise - found a box with two rather moisturized ones left. He strikes one of them - and lights a candle for his beloved Lexa as a farwell gift before quietly opening the door to his room and sneaking out. 

 

_"I will find her. She will forgive and love you back."_


End file.
